Ms Luffa

‘It’s pretty clear to  nothing good comes from smacking a child.’ That’s what my colleague who has a background in social work said as we discussed David Lammy’s recent public announcement about how the smacking ban led to the London riots. Despite the fact that they sit on opposite sides of the political fence, Boris Johnson, London Mayor was quick to chime in support to the MP.

I’ve often wondered whether smacking is right or wrong. Following conversations with other Christians, I’ve noticed that this is one topic that causes division. On one hand you have people quoting the proverb, ‘beat the child and spare the rod’ and others saying smacking is a violent thing to do and it isn’t in Christ’s nature.

As a mother of a toddler, I know that there are times when negotiating with a child just doesn’t work. Most recent mothers will be familiar with the online parenting resource – BabyCentre. One of the recommendations they offer for dealing with a with a toddler pushing boundaries may probably only work with perfect children that exist in an ideal world, sometimes negotiating and compromising with my child leaves me feeling more frustrated and cheated. Having said that I’m not saying I’d rather be authoritarian and militant with him, if anything I’m saying parenting is never plain and simple or black and white.

When I was a child my parents hardly ever smacked me, and when they did, there was a very good reason for it. On the other hand, I was beaten black and blue by teachers in boarding school, all in the name of discipline and corporal punishment. Those instances left me scarred – literally. I went through a phase were I dare not expose my knees because they were so badly bruised after I was forced to crawl around a freshly burnt field because I refused to take part in a social event. However, I must say, this happened in Africa.

As a youth mentor, I’ve heard several parents express their fears of facing social services and being told how to parent their children. I’ve heard of stories where children have threatened their parents with reporting them to the police or social services. Parents feel they can’t instil discipline because in most cases the child is more articulate and more aware of how to manoeuvre the system than they are. I get the sense parents are one of the major victims of the smacking ban. I think this video boy threatens mother with a call to social services

is the embodiment of what is wrong with the family structure today… Something about this really grieved me, I felt worried for the boy and frustrated for the mother. What would you do if this were your son, saying and feeling all these hurtful things about you? How can practical support and advice would you offer this mother?

No doubt there’s a case for protecting our children from irresponsible parenting, but more importantly we have to parent our children. And the State cannot doing this for us. Quite a few children’s charities talk about how generational deprivation leads to a cycle of neglect and abuse – in essence, some of today’s worsts parents had terrible parents themselves. So I wonder, how do you expect someone to be a good parent when they don’t know what that means?

In the same way we’ve taken marriage for granted, we seem to have taken parenting for granted too… There isn’t any formal training for any of these things. You get married and you’re offered a certificate which you haven’t earned for, but you’re certified in the hope that you will work towards your commitment to your partner. Likewise, when we have children, a new life is entrusted in our care, based on the assumption you’ll do a good job at it. Intervention only comes when you mess things up – for so many children this intervention comes too late after grave emotional and psychological damage is not, I can’t help but wonder about the spiritual connotations of poor parenting to young people.

I don’t think it’s such a bad idea for new parents to be enrolled in courses on parenting. A little knowledge goes a long way to creating a thirst for more knowledge. This is where I think the church can step in. There’s a ministry for practically everything, this is an area for Christians to take responsibility and help deliver God’s desire for the development of godly households by offering parenting classes for new parents. The service is offered at some children’s centres but how about one that’s based on the foundations of scripture – something that would provide practical and spiritual support for families.

As a new mother, I noticed that everyone I came across was very quick to offer tips and advice on parenting, most of the criticism I got came from non-parents. I don’t get so irritated by this anymore, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only experience people need to be a parent is to have had parents themselves… so, and I reckon that includes most people… so tell me, what do you think about smacking? Yay or Nay?